Epitahs

 Written in Stone

On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia:
Here lies
Ezekial Aikle
Age 102
The Good
Die Young.

In a London, England cemetery:
Ann Mann
Here lies Ann Mann,
Who lived an old maid
But died an old Mann.
Dec. 8, 1767

In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery:
Anna Wallace
The children of Israel wanted bread
And the Lord sent them manna,
Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife,
And the Devil sent him Anna.

Playing with names in a Ruidoso, New Mexico, cemetery:
Here lies
Johnny Yeast
Pardon me
For not rising.

Memory of an accident in a Uniontown, Pennsylvania cemetery:
Here lies the body
of Jonathan Blake
Stepped on the gas
Instead of the brake.

In a Silver City, Nevada, cemetery:
Here lays Butch,
We planted him raw.
He was quick on the trigger,
But slow on the draw.

A widow wrote this epitaph in a Vermont cemetery:
Sacred to the memory of
my husband John Barnes
who died January 3, 1803
His comely young widow, aged 23, has
many qualifications of a good wife, and
yearns to be comforted.
( guess they did not have personal ads then)

A lawyer’s epitaph in England:
Sir John Strange
Here lies an honest lawyer,
And that is Strange.

Someone determined to be anonymous in Stowe, Vermont:
I was somebody.
Who, is no business
Of yours.

Lester Moore was a Wells, Fargo Co. station agent for Naco, Arizona in the cowboy days of the 1880’s. He’s buried in the Boot Hill Cemetery in   Tombstone, Arizona:
Here lies Lester Moore
Four slugs from a .44
No Les No More.

In a Georgia cemetery:
“I told you I was sick!”

John Penny‘s epitaph in the Wimborne, England, cemetery:
Reader if cash thou art
In want of any
Dig 4 feet deep
And thou wilt find a Penny.

On Margaret Daniels grave at Hollywood Cemetery Richmond, Virginia:
She always said her feet were killing her
but nobody believed her.

In a cemetery in Hartscombe, England:
On the 22nd of June
– Jonathan Fiddle –
Went out of tune.

Anna Hopewell‘s grave in Enosburg Falls, Vermont has an epitaph that sounds like something from a Three Stooges movie:
Here lies the body of our Anna
Done to death by a banana
It wasn’t the fruit that laid her low
But the skin of the thing that made her go.

More fun with names with Owen Moore in Battersea, London, England:
Gone away
Owin’ more
Than he could pay.

• Someone in Winslow, Maine didn’t like Mr. Wood:
  In Memory of Beza Wood
  Departed this life
  Nov. 2, 1837
  Aged 45 yrs.
  Here lies one Wood
  Enclosed in wood
  One Wood
  Within another.
  The outer wood
  Is very good:
  We cannot praise
  The other.
  
  

• On a grave from the 1880’s in Nantucket, Massachusetts:
  Under the sod and under the trees
  Lies the body of Jonathan Pease.
  He is not here, there’s only the pod:
  Pease shelled out and went to God.
  
  

• The grave of Ellen Shannon in Girard, Pennsylvania is almost a consumer tip:
  Who was fatally burned
  March 21, 1870
  by the explosion of a lamp
  filled with “R.E. Danforth’s
  Non-Explosive Burning Fluid”
  
  

• Oops! Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York:
  Born 1903–Died 1942
  Looked up the elevator shaft to see if
  the car was on the way down. It was.
  
  

• In a Thurmont, Maryland, cemetery:
  Here lies an Atheist
  All dressed up
  And no place to go.
  
  

• In a cemetery in England:
  Remember man, as you walk by,
  As you are now, so once was I,
  As I am now, so shall you be,
  Remember this and follow me.
  
  

• To which someone replied by writing on the tombstone:
  To follow you I’ll not consent,
  Until I know which way you went.
  
   

• But does he make house calls?
  Dr. Fred Roberts, Brookland, Arkansas:
  Office upstairs