Climbing my family tree was fun until the nuts appeared!
Do I even WANT ancestors? Some I found I wish I could lose.
Do I hear the rattle of chains?
Live so the preacher won’t have to lie at your funeral!
If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance. — George Bernard Shaw
“I didn’t really want to get into genealogy! Kept putting it off! When I started within six weeks I had my father narrowed down to one of three or four people!” — old joke
Damn! My family tree was just wood-chipped.
Do I need a Genealogical Search Warrant to see the records?
Ever find an ancestor HANGING from the family tree???
It’s a poor family that hath neither a whore nor a thief.
It’s hard to be humble with ancestors like mine!
Every family tree has some sap in it.
Don’t judge me by my relatives, I didn’t choose them!
I found a cuckoo’s nest in my family tree.
How can one ancestor cause so much TROUBLE?
We’ve all got ’em . . . if you don’t I’ll lend you a few!!!!
You Know You Are a Proud Part of Your Family Tree If . . .
The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your spouse.
You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
You’ve been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
You think a woman who is “out of your league” bowls on a different night.
Jack Daniel’s makes your list of “Most Admired People.”
You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, “Hey, watch this”
You’ve got more than one brother named ‘Darryl.’
You think that Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
Your wife’s hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
You go to your family reunion looking for a date.
Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.
You think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are, “Gentlemen, start your engines.”
You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.
You had to remove a toothpick for your wedding pictures.
The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas it has in it.
You have to go outside to get something out of the ‘fridge.
One of your kids was born on a pool table.
Your Dad walks you to school because you are both in the same grade.
You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
You have flowers planted in a bathroom fixture in your front yard.
Ya can’t get married to yer sweetheart ’cause there’s a law against it.
You dated one of your parents’ current spouses in high school.
You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
Your school fight song is “Dueling Banjos.”
Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.